Story was written by onihaxy
Episode 3
ME: ogbeni how far?
SEGE: oko bimpe, I dey oooooo.
ME: you know well, who be oko bimpe?
SEGE: eeeh, sorry, Mr maga I mean jaree
ME: you no well ni
SEGE: loooool
ME: errrhhhm, you still remember this girl, kemi?
SEGE: who is kemi?
ME: that my babe wey I tell you say she dey stay for lag na.
SEGE: I no remember ooo.
ME: the one I met before bimpe na.
SEGE: oooooooooooooh, that your recharge card babe abi?.
ME: yeah
SEGE: wetin do her?
ME: she just called me say she dey come akure next weekend
SEGE: that one nice na. Na kitten weekend be that for you na.
ME: you no well
SEGE: are you guys still dating?
ME: we never broke up before, we only stopped communicating with each other
SeGE: and wetin be that one?, no be break-up be that.
ME: that one aside jaree. She said I should send her airtime.
SEGE: hmmmmm. I trust you say you don send am already.
ME: no oooo, I am contemplating on whether to send or not.
SEGE: that babe na cheap airtime scammer. But since she talk say she dey come akure, risk this last one and send like 200mtn sha. Atleast to pour water on ground and then walk on wet ground.
ME: thanks jaree my guy.
SEGE: I hear. But don’t send another airtime again until you set your eyes on her oooooo.
ME: I hear.
The following morning on my way to work, I stopped at a vendor and got a N200 airtime for kemi. As usual, she only called to
thank me in 12 seconds and later hanged up.
3days gone and I didn’t hear from kemi again until the 4th night which was thursday night when she called me again.
ME: hello dear, how are you?
KEMI: I’m fine dear, thanks for the other day
ME: you are welcome dear
KEMI: I also want to remind you that I would be around next weekend oooo. And you will take me out and buy gifts for me ooo.
ME: no problem dear.
KEMI: thanks love. I’m missing you seriously
ME: same here
KEMI: that’s my baby. Errrrrrhmm honey, can you please help me with a little airtime please?, even if it is just N200 please.
Recharge card again?, what do I do this time?, segun must not hear this, and I don’t want her to change her mind about coming over to see me, but seriously, I was tired of this airtime demands of a thing but at the same time, I wanted to f*ck kemi. I decided to risk it again and transfer N100 airtime to her from my phone.
One thing about kemi was that, whenever she gets an airtime below what she requested for, she would never call back to appreciate but if she gets the exact amount she requested for, she would call back and spend maximum of 30seconds on a call.
After the transfer, she didn’t call back as usual and I ignored her.
On saturday, I went to visit segun and we had a chat about kemi. I told segun that kemi would be around on the following week and my guy came up with a master plan as usual.
ME: sege, that my babe go arrive next weekend ooooo
SEGE: bimpe or kemi?
ME: which one be bimpe again jor?, its kemi
SEGE: oooooh, the airtime merchandise?
ME: na you sabi.
SEGE: but is she staying over at your place?, or just stopping by to visit?
ME: we never discuss that one yet
SEGE: all the same, you must sample that girl at this only opportunity oooo. Or else, u might not see another opportunity again.
ME: I go try sha.
SEGE: you must do ni. You know hungry girls like kemi requires special tactics to get them laid.
ME: really?, gist me.
SEGE: firstly, you must act or fake it that you have money to spend on her when she is around, you must be good at fake promises and your mouth must be loaded with lies, na that thing dey give them hope say “hmmm, I must maga this guy, e be like say e get money”
ME: hmmmm sege!!!!, and after that nko? ****getting interesting*****,
SEGE: you must be smart to play your game wella so as not to miss the f*ccking. Make sure that u post all the spending till after s*x, and not before.
ME: I still don’t understand
SEGE: mr maga, listen. If you spend before planning to have s*x, you might not get it, just keep making mouth till you get what
you want.
ME: I hear you ooooo.
SEGE: when she dey with you. Call me and we go act drama for her.
ME: mr sege!!!!!, I dey fear you oooo
SEGE: you think say I be mumu like you?. Na me dey scam girls, girls no dey dupe me. Loooool.
I returned home that night. Segun and I began our rehearsals on whatsapp ahead of kemi’s arrival.
Ever since I was growing up, I had always have this mentality that “the more you spend for her, the more she loves you” but segun changed my orientation and made me realize that most times, “the more you spend blindly, the more you are a maga”.
Between monday and Wednesday of the following week, kemi called me more than 5 times but I didn’t pick up, I intentionally refused to pick up because I knew she would always demand for airtime.
On thursday morning, I called her myself.
ME: hello kemi
KEMI: my love, how are you?, why did you refused picking my calls for the past four days?
ME: I’m sorry, the phone was on silent since sunday night and I misplaced it since then. I tried calling the number from another phone to trace it but it wasn’t ringing out, it was this morning that I found it inside the kitchen cupboard.
KEMI: eeyah, sorry about that my love, I was thinking you were with another girl, maybe that’s why you refused to pick up.
ME: ****oloshi, this one wey you dey call me “my love” I know say na “send me airtime” go end am********, baby when are you coming?.
KEMI: I would arrive this evening, but the event is tomorrow and saturday.
ME: are you staying over at my place?
KEMI: ***laughs****
ME: why laughing?
KEMI: you are funny ni, I’m coming with my family, we would be staying over at the place provided for us. since I’m not alone, I won’t be able to stay over at your place.
ME: huuuuuh, how do I take you out for shopping then?
KEMI: eeeeeeehhh!!! You mean you want to shop for me?
ME: yes, I am even buying a phone for you since you said your phone is giving you issues.
KEMI: huuuuh. That’s why I love you honey. But why don’t we do it like this?
ME: how?
KEMI: please do all the shopping and bring it to me where I would be staying, I might not be chanced to spend time outside, sebi I told you I would be with my family?
ME: ****heartbroken “oloshi”******* no problem dear, let’s postpone all the shopping and gifts to another day that you would have time. I can’t just be roaming about supermarkets alone on my own without you by my side, I would only come and say Hi to you wherever you are. That’s all
KEMI: common dear, so you won’t bring anything for me?
ME: not sure, maybe apples only sha.
KEMI: haba!!!, ok you know what!
ME: what?
KEMI: let me get to akure first, then I would know how to squeeze out time to go out with you.
ME: that’s my baby
KEMI: are you happy now?
ME: off course. So what time will u get to akure?
KEMI: can’t say yet, but we would leave home by 10am sha.
ME: ok dear, can’t wait to see you
KEMI: same here dear
ME: pls let me know when you are around
KEMI: ok my love, eeeerhm my love, please can you do me a favour please!!
ME: ***hanged up*****, oloshi, the only favour I have been doing you is Airtime, “omo-ale”
== WATCH OUT FOR EPISODE 4 ==
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