Ehen oooo! Shebi... That's how I stupidly agreed to follow my cousin to get a massage from an Ijaw man today. All my friends advised me against it. But hey! After all, My own cousin can't wish me bad! Was I wrong?!!! This wicked Ijaw man started by putting one boiling pot of life on my stomach for 15mins... All the salad inside me from breakfast DONE! Then he made me sit on another pot...
That one heated me from under, I felt like someone waiting for his election result. After some people will say they don't know what is destroying the ozone layer. If 9ice tries it, he will become Alapokan! Then the massage... See, That man is a winch. Nothing else. He massaged me with all the power he could muster. He must have retired as a washaman from an army barracks.
To make matters worse, he was trying to put elbows where God did not. He bent my hands sooooo backward I nearly confessed I collected subsidies. He was not done. The monster now put his knee to the back of my neck and (applied the kind of pressure Igbo traders use to reduce 3 suitcases into one) then traced my spinal cord from my neck to my waist. And he had the guts to ask why I farted. If he sees me in that run down pigsty he calls clinic, he should call me monkey. Old bagga! PMB Cancel Amnesty NOW! As for my cousin, him own done set! I will do my own back.
When we left the place, to walk to the car, the sun was up... 11:36am. Everyone else had a shadow. Except me. My shadow had left me during that massage. I finally asked myself, who send me? PS: To everyone who finds this note funny... May God arrange your own in double portion. Nothing wey UNA no dey call joke. Winchzards! And to @frankedoho who just sat there and was just laughing... You are not a friend"
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